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Thursday, September 07, 2006

\\*at a loss of words.....*//

Am I in a daze these days? Oh God.

It's been 3 weeks since we moved in to our new house, I think.

It's err...6 days to the first day of Prelims. I just counted that.

I just started fulfilling the September calender yesterday. It's full with black ink!
A Maths Test. B3 still.
Lit session with Mrs Teo for 4 hrs. Now that's something!
English session tomorrow with Mrs Teo. Wait that's for O levels, not Prelims.
Studying with Humaira, and Nisa. Oh wait, we eat pizza, watch MTV and watched She's The Man ( I like that movie. Amanda Bynes rocks). Justin Timberlake goes on MTV. and we stay tuned to the telly. Haha.

Still, I'm progressing better than expected. But Still Slow. Still no motivation. Still slugging.

Compared to the others, who are going to the library daily to study ( is it effective?). I appear to be studying, but look what I'm doing. Influenced by these kind of people. Tense yet relaxed at the same time. Haha not that it's bad. Love the feeling. Ok maybe not. I'm feeling worried myself that I'm straying.

Maybe I should start studying with 4/7-ers.
Scary.

Let's just see how I do for this Prelims. Maybe my daze is really bringing me sumwhere.

Oh and thank you Guides for the farewell!!!!! It turns out to be a happy meeting rather than a sad one. Haha I really appreciate all the support you give to us Sec 4s. Look at all the letters n sweets. Except sweets are all eaten up by my brothers already.

K I go n daze off now in my sleep. Then go to my teacher's hs tom!! Hahax, the fun part is seeing Hsin Yong n seeing the other Guides.

Then also I won't be in a loss of words for English!

Slipped Away|12:06 AM|

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

\\*where i am today.*//

I'm definitely living in Singapore for many more years, who knows maybe the rest of my life.
I have a new house at Lagoon View! My room is ready for me to live in! It's orange! I love it! except it's bare with only a bed and a wardrobe, but I can move in this Thursday!

Sure, I can stand it living in Singapore for the rest of my life actually. It's much better than life back in Jakarta. It's more comfortable, I have all my friends here already, what else do I want? I lived here more than I did in Jakarta or the US. Coming to 8 yrs. N I lived in Jakarta for onli, 5 years? Big difference.

When I celebrated National Day last Tuesday at school, I realised that I feel I belong to Singapore. When I joined the Guides that day, I was impressed by their marching. Whoa. Could beat our SYF marching 2 yrs ago. I felt like marching again, for NDP or any event. Lots of training under the sun but it's all worth it when u go out to the field. The last time I marched for anything like that was 2 yrs ago in the NDP ceremony in our sch. Long time ago.

Then when we led, well actually juz sang national day songs in front of everyone else, most of us were enjoying ourselves. I enjoyed singing those songs, n when I think at home, that's the problem. I still think back of Indonesia, but then Singapore comes to mind.
"This is home, truly, as my senses tell me..."
I especially love that song 'Home'. I truly am more connected to Singapore. My friends, most of my life, where I'm growing up, is all here. Even though I'm still Indonesian (no plans at all to become S'porean), still thinking of those times back in Jakarta, at the end of the day my life is where I am today.

"My home, wherever I may be....

I believe, you will always be a part of me"

Slipped Away|5:59 PM|

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

\\*the time when we got a scolding*//

I admit that I felt really bad yesterday.
It's not only a class problem, it's a 'me' problem as well.
My class gets many scoldings from Ms Chai, and yesterday was another one of those. Yet, it was never to the extent of us having to stand for one whole period while she stares and mutters words of anger and annoyance at us.
She picks on prefects, leaders and a few certain people to get her point across.
It was blunt. It was somewhat blown out of proportions. From the topic of table arrangement and a piece of plastic that landed on a paper recycling bag.

But then, it made me realise that my class, and I, have not actually reflected on her words enough and put them into action. Our characters have become complacent. Stress and pressure are just excuses.
We take things for granted. We do not respect our elders and the environment around us enough. We are not gracious people. We are not independent. We are dependent on our teachers!
We do not step up to the play. We lay back and sit on the table while all around us there's a lot to be done. I think even leaders sometimes do not have enough initiative. We are just like the rest.

I have the thought and idea to do the right thing. But often, I do not put them into action. I always regret, but I'm still doing the same. I don't know what's so hard with doing the right thing, but sometimes, it is.
I knew we had to separate the tables. But the rest of us thought, "no need". So I thought so too and the next moment, Ms Chai stormed in and threw about her intense emotions. I told myself so.

Time is precious. We lost the time to do our test. But it wasn't wasted yesterday. I think we needed that reminder. Hopefully the lesson will be with us for the rest of our lives. Any scolding like this is more meaningful than any lesson on Maths or Science.

Slipped Away|1:09 PM|

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Sunday, July 30, 2006

\\*.....seriously.*//

Finally. I'm blogging again. I think it's not because I love blogging. It's not because I miss blogging. I just realised that I need a diary to write in. I have my old diary in my bkcase. But I have left it untouched since end of last year. There's too many things that have gone on since about...2 months ago. and I need to write them down before they vanish into the deeper crevaces of my memory.

I've been confirmed. Listed my name down to become a YF (Youth Facilitator) but no news so far. Besides that just completed our first Conf. 4 Praise & Worship. It's disappointing. The attendance. We messed up a lot with the songs and the music. I guess once we're confirmed, the truth is most people will leave the church or is no more interested in fellowship with their Con. 4 class. I'm one of the few with my great gang of friends who are still together and meet one another as often as we can. That's what I love about the church, being able to meet them and sharing a common devotion to God as one of them. I love hanging out with them.

Besides that, there was the Mawai trip early June. I know it's overdue, but I still miss the fun times we had in Mawai. Going on a hike to Gunung Tunjuk Laut, stargazing, n hanging out with the other Guides in the midst of nature. What I love most would be my patrol Titans. It's fun hanging out with the guides from Bouganvillea n scouts frm Queenstown and New Town. I miss them so much. Our team was the most 'bonded' and united compared to the rest I feel. All of us are part of the team! N lots of laughter ensued when we're together. Without them, the camp would not be much fun. After that, I only met them once more (referring to the scouts in the grp) in our outing to Orchard. I missed the Sentosa outing (cos my mom didnt allow). Hopefully we'll have another reunion sumtime soon.

But that's got to wait till after O levels. Honestly, I don't know the number of days to our O Levels and to our Prelims especially. I'm still in a daze. I still feel that I'm back few months ago hanging out with my friends and enjoying life. Hello! Prelims is in a few weeks time already and I'm still far from getting my revision done and getting that score. It's no hope already to get into TJC through DSA. Not shortlisted after the interview. So now I'm still wondering how am I going to get that 7 pts. Even with bonus points I don't feel secure at all.
Seriously, I got to get myself together and start taking things seriously. I'm truly deceived that I'll be fine by the time I get to Prelims. Yet Prelims is the one I'm freaking out for, not O levels! It's my chance to get into the TJC I want. Yet my mindset is still thinking: the worst will only be me going to CJC for the next two yrs, which I really don't mind at all.
I would love to only have to think about what I am going to do after O levels. That short yet busy holiday that I would fill to the brim. A lot of things to do, so little time!
So that's what I'm supposed to be panicking about now. Time to get serious. But it's not yet time for me to get serious about it.
*In fact, I'm thinking abt going to play soccer later with the guys at East Coast Park. After studying supposedly*

Slipped Away|2:07 PM|

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

\\*unexpectedly a bad night. or consider us blessed.*//

I dunno how many ppl have heard besides my relatives, neighbours n my parent's friends.......
My previous apartment at Ocean Park had caught fire last Wednesday. It's definitely an incident I'll never forget. When it happens to ur house, it's unbelievable.
Never EVER thought it would happen to me n my family. A pretty huge fire due to this stupid fault in my dryer. N I believe I'm the one hu caused it. Stupid me for turning on the dryer late at nite before I go to sleep. Mugging for Biology has caused me to put it off till after 12.30 AM. Only half an hour of deep sleep n I'm woken up by this. Thank God my family is saved, no injuries whatsoever. Thank God my dad woke up in time.

Ahhhhhh so we have to move out n temporarily live in a rented apartment at Upper East Coast. Only moving into our new, own renovated apartment at Lagoon View in July. My whole apartment is black with soot, not burnt. Tiring week. But consider us blessed.
My family has successfully survived n endured this incident. We still united n placing our faith in God. True he allowed this obstacle to happen to my family....but still he helped us a lot more to learn frm it n stay strong.
So I'm still smiling :)
trying to live life as usual as possible n doing activities i enjoy the most. hang out wif my buddies (-;
smiling
all
except for
examinations,
n the fact that Chris is eliminated frm American Idol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh God that cannot be.

Slipped Away|9:41 PM|

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

\\*taking one step at a time...*//

Step by step...i live everyday 'to the fullest'. But i dun think this is ever the case. The way i feel it, seems like other people has done a lot more wif their time...dunno how they do it. Am i wasting my time day to day, trying to study but nothing effective. This is the time for last minute studying.

This year, seemingly i have no time to hang out wif my friends as much. Other people have time for shopping, watching movies n the money to do so. For me, heck I even spent the entire March holidays doing my homework apparently...wif no money to go watch a movie or going out. Neither do i have the time.

However, I'm glad that at least I've been involved in church...today is finally the day of the musical. I defeinitely had a fun time during rehearsals hanging out wif the entire cast, letting myself go n learning to sing (i'm not good at it). At least i dun have to study all the time.

I'm really beginnning to freak out that i actually have no life. Always 'studying'. Ahem, except the studying is no use.

And yesterday was probably the sec 4s final Guides meeting. A lot of events occuring yesterday. Enrolment, Elections (handing over our leadership positions to the sec 3s) n trying to work for our Gold. I am nearly there. I did axemanship yesterday, but no time to do simple repairs, repairing the plug. Just show one of the Guiders the fixed plug n the handbk, I will get my Gold!! Yay!! Audrey n Erin got their Gold yesterday. Congrats to them. They got their bumping of course.

One side of me feels i've had sumwhat enough of going for Guides meeting every Saturday n even weekdays cos it's really taking a large amt of time. But there is a greater sense of loss once I don't hang out wif the Guides anymore. At least I do have time to hang out with the Guides during outings, or just out for lunch (Duh, i never have time to go shopping anymore). But they are the most fun of all the outings I've had with friends. There's just more bonding, laughter n family-kind-of-feeling to it than ever. That's the thing I love about Guides. I'll miss everyone. I'm so touched when the rest of the Guides said they'll miss us a lot. But none of us managed to cry yesterday. Not yet. Wait till farewell party.

For now, the Guides can still call me their ACL haha. Till we hand over the leadership positions to the nxt batch of leaders. We still have to collect T-shirt money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's causing us a lot of problems.

I dunno whether I have done a gd job as a leader. I don't even noe whether i deserved the position last yr. I juz took it in my stride...do the best possible job. I'm not perfect n i'm not great either. I even think the other leaders are better leaders than I am. But I'm happy to serve, and I guess that's all that matters. Thanks for the support from the other Guides, YAs and especially the trust of the Guiders. Hopefully the things I've done for the company are appreciated, I'm happy.

All i know is that faith keeps me alive. Faith in God, faith in myself, faith in my loved ones n friends. It's the thing that keeps me going in my life, wanting to achieve certain things cos i believe i can do it. Life is more fulfilling when I believe God has purpose for my life, so whatever I do, even if I lose out in a lot of things, there's always something to gain to carry out my mission in life, well whatever that is.

Woohoo I can't wait till Confirmation. Juz hopefully I can do my best in MYE beforehand.

Slipped Away|9:39 AM|

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Friday, February 24, 2006

\\*a question of 'what if?'*//

What if I had not slept today and gone swimming instead?
I would be exercising and feel more alert! I won't feel so tired. I would make sure I would be fit for NAFTA test. I would be healthier I suppose rather than tied down by stress....

What if I had started learning the guitar by now?
It won't be sitting right there dusty at the corner of the living room n need to tuning.

What if i had focused n written those essay-long answers faster n more accurately?
I won't be here reflecting on those mistakes I've made n wishing I had been much better at my humanities tests especially.
But they're msitakes meant to be learnt frm.

What if I had been managing my time properly and strictly, have a proper study schedule, revise all my work promptly, no watch too much tv, and what else I've been doing currently.....
I won't be sitting here wasting my time. And get more of my sleep. Rather than letting sleep interfere with my afternoons.
I would have been up to date with my work. I would have paid more attention during class. I would know what the teacher is talking about. I would not be left behind in my work.
But then no TV?

What if I had not been complacent n practised more of my A Maths?
Surely I would then know how to do those trigo questions.
I had been dying there at the first part of the paper. There goes an A. or even a B or a C for all u noe.

What if i had not combined my sciences Bio n Physics?
It's possible I might get a distinction for both subjects for O levels. But then...u never know.
Humanities subjects will be going down the drain.
and now I'm taking this huge risk of depending more on my humanities n Pure Chem. Stupid.
Bio-Physics better get me my A1.

But then I'm convinced, i'm convinced. I'm not gonna regret. I'm gonna go ahead n not look back.
N pray hopefully all the best in whatever I'm gonna do.

Slipped Away|11:00 PM|

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

\\*flood after flood never ending....*//

As if I'm free to update my blog today.
Never!
That's why i took so long to finally update this blog. Heck I don't even update my personal diary chucked in between other assessment bks in the bkcase.

Dear blog, I'm so sorry to have neglected u for a while already.
You see, I've been very busy lately. Tests came in droves right after Chinese New Year ended. At least they kept me up to date with the lessons so far and i consider studying for these tests as revision for O levels in...10 months time? n u can imagine how fast 2 months has been.
Talking abt O levels, O level results were finally released last Friday! I got an A2!! A distinction!! n another distinction for the oral component. I'm proud of myself, cos today i juz realised that I'm comparable to the others in Higher Malay Class. It's ok that I didn't get an A1. The only problem I have wif not getting an A1 is that I would still have to work towards an A1 for all 6 components in L1R5. Oh n that certain cikgus have alwaes been expecting me to get an A1. Other than that, I'm fine.

Oh gosh the English results of last yr's cohort were scary. Few people received distinctions, n sum ppl expected to get a distinction didn't. N the sciences, Physics n Chem esp, as per usual, very few distinctions. Never realised those two papers were really that hard to score. Overall, the results of last yr's cohort fell frm the previous yr. Imagine what the burden would be like on our yr to do well n pick up results. Teachers r like forcing subjects n words of advice that are to be adhered to down our throats.

The cheers. the screams. the cries. of joy and of disappointment. Floods of emotions when that day comes. How will I ever be able to face that day...in one year's time, when the all-impt O levels are over but not ur future, in fact it's only the beginning. Right here, Right now.
n Now the time to make those decisions...affect prob the rest of ur life in ur career blah blah. N i'm still stuck at the question between JC or Poly. While sum others r planning their university life already. Well, at least I know what I want to do is definitely not in Sciences. Contemplating career in Business or Communications. That will get me started. Choices r better to be narrowed down rather than left wide open, makes one more stressed. Oh please can I combine my Physics n Bio???? It just doesn't seem right. Like I'm taking the easy way out. Or can I just drop Bio? Oh wait, potential distinction subject. Bleh.

11.51 am. With floods of homework, cleared, Thank God! N floods of tests, revision work, choices, activities, events, expectations, etc. still coming in to fill every inch of my brain.
I give up NYAA. I give up doing Lit. No, no not yet. There is hope. It's whether I can reach that aim of distinction still ever so high. Ok keep going. Oh but give up JC education. No? Then, give up doing all the list of activities I'm supposed to follow. No!!!!!!! Then, I give up continuing to write this entry already. It's gonna be midnite!
But.........Ahh there's a flood of mosquitos right about everywhere in the bathroom. N it's getting warm in the room!

I need to cool down, gosh, i'm gonna drown soon.

Slipped Away|11:15 PM|

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Saturday, January 28, 2006

\\*rejoicing what's present*//

Life is actually waiting for me to discover the potential it has within.
This past, pretty full week has been quite eventful for another week in my Sec 4 year. The week started with a retreat on Monday and Tuesday after school. Not onli did we get to skip classes, but it was definitely an experience the school has planned for us sec 4s.

The retreat had been bonding sessions within us Sec 4s, and I take it as a stepping stone for us before we move on to a whole new level in our last year in KC. Oh God, whoosh from being new to the school as Sec 1s not too long ago now we're Sec 4s. Not anyone can ingnore the fact we're preparing to take our O levels at the end of the year. Then off we go to a different world altogether.

I'm gonna miss all my friends in KC. The retreat has made all of us realise how each one of us has bonded and made a difference in each other's lives. We sec 4s are going to make this last year rock!!!!!!!!

Gotta cherise each one of my friends, reconcile with each other and make sure each n everyone knows how special they are in my life. I better write those 'hearts' to them all. Try to make the best out of this year for all!

N that retreat has been extra special...cos guess what, mrs teo has sent the 4 of us sms that we got gold for Puan Noor Aishah! Oh my God, it's his doing..we all feel really blessed. From down under going to be disqualified n disappointed faces to getting gold! It's an achievement! We onli made it for bronze last yr, so this yr we're upholding our gold frm the previous yr. Amazing grace. We Sec 4s were shrieking, rejoicing when Valerie started shouting to Erin the good news. Both of them broke down n i juz couldn't believe me ears. I started shrieking too n of course everyone muz have heard or noticed the commotion we caused. I was practically shaking from rejoicing cos of the unbelievable news. Hallelujah! We Sec 4s hu worked our asses off last yr, n to all seniors hu have graduated, YAs hu came back, Guiders, n all the rest of the Guides in the company, gosh, we made it!!

Have to thank God for all the blessings he has given us, especially for this year so far, all the joys n obstacles we're facing or what is to come. Therefore rejoice in what we have. Ooh n i'm glad for all my class Sec 4/7, hopefully we're gonna be even more enthusiastic than ever in working as class together. Just like we did for the Chinese New Year Celebrations.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Gong Xi Fa Cai! Though my family doesn't celebrate CNY...I'm just happy that's it's been a wonderful year, n month of January. It's gonna be full of opportunities.

Slipped Away|8:03 PM|

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Saturday, January 21, 2006

\\*in facing what is to come....*//

Homework load ever increasing, and yet I haven't started on any. Left one more day, that is tomorrow, only after church to do them. Other 'so-called' important things comes first?
Guides-related, then audition at church, before being stuck at the library for a few hours without doing any hw? Regrets?
Some yes, some no.

It's always later do we realise of the consequences. But is all lies in the choices we make. Then stick with it. Well, after that, what can we say rite? Being regretful? Doesn't help. Learn to accept it.

It's one of those circumstances, which, well, might have been avoided had we been more careful, wise, n so on, but currently we're in hot soup I can say. I was shocked, surprised, disappointed to hear it. But I have come to terms with it. As long as we know the reason and learn from the experience. As long as we know what we have inside us that make it better. As long as we have someone to share the troubles with. As long as we know we have been right.

I'm sure this year is going to be a rollercoaster of ups and downs ever more steep. I'll ever be ready, I hope. I better be. I'm gonna take all the strength I have to face any obstacles, take any chances, fulfill my goals (must! if not it's gonna be an old routine of same old goals) and make the best out of the year.
I'm gonna fill up as much of my time with whatever I can take in and enjoy. Live for the moment. Then plan better time management for my studies. I'll have to make that decision between JC n Poly (I'm still ever so confused). I've got to get a move on!
And now let's have some fun.
.
.
After I get this poem done. and my other hw by the weekend.

Slipped Away|11:31 PM|

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